Because Murphy is a flipping genius!

Hello cruel , cruel world.

I've been miserable okay. Alive, at least. I feel jinxed though. And I am numb. I can now go through shit and still don't feel a thing. No, it's not because I'm getting stronger. Its quite the opposite actually. 

Good ol' Murphy has made things so much easier for me. At least now I can ascribe reason to what's been happening.


 "If anything can go wrong, it will". 


That's the motherfucking law. 

One year of absolute trash. One.fucking.year.  Exactly what am I being tested for again? 

Everything that could go wrong, did.  


Allow me to recapitulate.

I was 90% sure that I would be doing my Masters/PhD and living the american dream by now. I get accepted  into three universities. But obviously it all had to go wrong. The dunce I helped - right from preparing for the GRE to writing the statement - is flying out this Monday, and I'm stuck ranting here. Now don't mistake me. I would have been happy for her if she deserved it, but the only reason she even took up the project offered to her is because I made her see that it was a feasible one. See what I mean? I am a first class with distinction student for crying out loud. Life can be THAT unfair. 


So, time for Plan B. Oh wait, I do not have one. So much for being (over?) confident.
I sit. and wait. Clueless about the next step. Trying to hold on to every thread of sanity. I am *this* close to loosing it. The jobs are not happening. Ever since I quit my previous internship, I have been looking out for openings. Everything is so complicated.




Academics and career aside, my social life is zero.
Family shifts to a different city. People. there. turn out to be . weird. You know how that story plays out. 
My best friend Phoebe landed up falling miserably sick last week. Did not board that plane. No, that awesome, much awaited for week did not happen. Plus, we fought. like cats. pigs. and T-rex's! worse even. I don't know how long this war will go on for.


Love life ? Fucking joke. Boyfriend of four years starts to act like a dickhead. We call it off almost a  year ago. End of story. Three rebounds later I realize I'm better off single. The nice guy, EC, I start to date has a sister who makes him call it off with me because she doesn't want him throwing his life around  (Pray tell me how that makes sense). Now that she is out of his way, he is trying to get things slightly back to how they were. But obviously I am not letting that happen.


Oh wait, there is a bright red cherry. Somewhere between all the application process and making up for lost family time, roughly around eight months back, shepherd boy walks into my life. Now I mean it when I say I thought he was made for me (only I realized it way too late). Never before have I met a Y chromosome species who would enjoy writing extremely LONG mails to me. A normal conversation would run for hundred lines. Imagine hundred lines of pure wit and awesomeness. It was orgasmic. I don't know if I'm even doing justice to what it was by using an adjective here. 
Here's the catch. Shepherd boy is an american who is in my country to do some voluntary work. Sort of a missionary. But only the funniest,spontaneous, charming and most amazing kind. I had a huge huge thing for him, but obviously squashed every bug of hope because I thought it wasn't practical. And that if anything he would only have a crush on me. 


Now this is what I find out this Saturday from a common friend. HE WANTED TO MARRY ME!  
Like the really really marry and have babies with kind. Mr. I Melt your heart away (age : 24) was looking to settling down in life and was on a hunt for a bride. Here I was, feeling stupid and trying to shoo away all my feelings and he there, was planning on whisking me away for good. 


 Thanks to my result time jitters phase *do not miss heavy sarcasm*, I would have mentioned at least once in every conversation how bad I wanted to get into the university and start studying again. For obvious reasons, he did not let me in on his secret fondness. Lame awesome fellow. 
You should have, shepherd boy.  God alone knows, in a year you would have seen me in all my radiant brideness holding this :

and walking down this : 

God alone knows I would have fallen in love with you all over again, when you catch a breath while I join you after the long walk down that ^^ aisle. And God alone knows you would have fallen in love with me all over again when I wink at you just about then. Right before you beamingly lean in to whisper how beautiful I look.  
But you robbed us both of the benefit of the doubt. You could have just asked me. Instead of letting my mum know of your noble intentions through the family friends. Obviously she wouldn't take you seriously because a) She did not know that I liked you  b) You are a firang (american) c) I am 22 and young.  


You are now happily married to someone else and post sappy pictures and wall posts on your facebook. Do you have to be that cruel? True, it didn't matter then, but that's only because I did NOT know. But now I do and I can only do jack squat about it. Woot for options!

So here I am. Feeling like a cracked vase. Leaking life and loosing hope. Doing a part time job, a few friends less, dealing with love blows and strutting a bruised self esteem.


Murphy , sire , thank you for the valuable lessons.  


Chilled beer anyone?